Hi everyone! I hope everyone had a wonderful 4th! Can I bore you with a little serious chit chat? It's been a rough couple of weeks for me. Being an emotional eater, especially when stressed, and being stressed out have been counter productive. I've spent the past weeks thinking how to get myself "back on track" , how to make permanent changes, what am I doing wrong, how to change it, what should I cut out, what should I add in, how much more exercise should I do, etc.etc. It's been mostly this constant battle between me, myself, and I. As a result of the stress and pressure I'm putting on myself to get this weight off, it's causing me more harm than good. I'm not making the right choices as I should, not sleeping like I should, and just overall not taking care of me.
I started going to a Cardiologist about 4 years ago due to heart palpitations I was frequently experiencing. After going through a bazillion tests, it was discovered that the right ventricle of my heart was enlarged. My doctor says this is due to my weight, as well as some possible uncontrolled hypertension. Considering I had low blood pressure up until my first pregnancy, that threw me for a loop. Since then, I've been going to see him every 6 months or so for blood drawings and checkups. Since starting under the Cardiologist's care, my weight of course has done nothing but fluctuate 10 lbs up or down. I have an appointment with my Cardiologist in just over a month. The last time I saw him, he recommended that I get a consult for weight loss surgery. Given that I have as many health issues at my age, and my heart is enlarged, he felt that this was the route I should take. The more stress I place on myself about losing this weight, the more hear palpitations I'm having. I get what is referred to as Pre Ventricular Contractions, or PVCs. This is basically when the lower right chamber of your heart beats and extra time. They aren't harmful, but they are rather scary, annoying, and can make you feel physically exhausted. Especially when they occur every other heart beat....which mine frequently do, and they will last for days on end.
I had a long and serious talk with myself this week. There are many re-inventions I have gone through during my many other weight loss journeys, and I had thought this time would be different. I'm now realizing that I've been on a journey all along. Just because I decided to write a blog about it now, take many different approaches or do things seemingly differently, this time isn't any different. This is my journey. This is my life. I have to learn to accept the fact that I have and always will struggle with my weight. Even when I reach my goal weight, it won't be the "after" of this journey. The journey will be always "in progress". I'm going to start leaning towards changing the things I do have control over, and not worrying about the things I cannot change. So what is it that I can do? I can make the proper food choices for myself, I can exercise more often during the week, I can choose to not be bothered by my PVCs, I can choose not to reach for a carb filled food when I'm upset/happy/mad/sad, and I can choose to accept the hands that life deals me. I can make the most of my moments here on Earth, whether they are ideal or not, I can choose how to react to them. I can also choose to accept myself, flaws in all of their glory. I could go on and on, but I think you get the point. So tell me.....What can you do?